Dreams of Yesterday -Into the future
by nytmaer
Summary: Shinji dreams of the past, but things seem to be coinciding with the present.


"I love you..."

The words resounded in his mind but his mouth wouldn't work to respond to the professed love. What should he say?

The face of the speaker flashed for a moment.

Red eyes…

White hair…

So handsome…

He awoke and stared at the ceiling, breathing a little harder then normal, his heart racing. The same dream over and over, always.

Three years the same thing had occurred, at minimum once a week. Finally calming he swung so his feet were on the floor, using his hand he pushed off the bed and stood then stretched. Letting out a silent yawn he made his way to the hall towards the bathroom. After brushing his hair and teeth he went back to his room to get dressed. When he was done dressing he looked at himself in the mirror.

A familiar stranger looked back at him with a grim face.

Ikari Shinji, aged 17, high school 3rd year. Lived alone. Parents: deceased

Grabbing his book case he left the apartment without eating. He hated his 'home'. Given to him when his father passed away 3 years ago. Also soon after the dream started. What was the meaning of it? Why always the same person confessing his love?

Shaking it from his mind he walked down the street towards the school. On the way he saw a fellow classmate, the mysterious Ayanami Rei. The coolest girl in the school, no friends but everyone liked her. She never talked unless spoken to, never smiled no matter the joke, and yet Shinji felt he knew her very well. They had never held a conversation, let alone made eye contact. Maybe in some previous life they had been friends?

Today felt different though, perhaps he would finally talk to her, say Hi at least. Several times on the walk to school he opened his mouth to call to her and each time the words caught in his throat. He had no idea how she may react and was afraid of the consequence. So, as per usual, the walk was silent.

At school he went straight to his locker where he found his friends, Toji and Kensuke, leaning over some magazine…probably porn….and debating something about said magazine. Rolling his eyes he approached his locker and ignoring them proceeded to remove his shoes and slip on the provided slip shoes.

"Hey Shin, what do you think?"

"About what?"

The rest of the conversation was lost as Shinji stared down the hallway, seeing the German exchange student, Asuka talking loudly amongst a group of envious girls. How he hated her. No one knew why they didn't get along but they didn't know how she treated Shinji. Like he was the lowliest being on the planet although he had never offended her. Some thought perhaps she crushed on him so hard and he was a nerd so there was no way she would actually admit to liking him.

Ducking his head and walking the long way to class he left his friends bickering at his locker. Up the three long flights and down the hall he slid the door open to his classroom. The Class Rep making a check on the sheet next to his name.

"Morning Ikari," she greeted him happily, flashing a smile.

In response he mustered a half smile. "Morning."

Walking back to his seat he sat and waited for the bell to ring, watching as other students filed in trying not to be late.

Seconds later the bell tolled and everyone took their seats and got quiet. Soon thereafter the teacher entered, Ms. Katsuragi, but unlike usual she left the door open. Taking her spot standing behind the podium she smiled at the class. 'Good morning class. Today I am pleased to say we have a new student joining us. " Raising a hand and waving towards the toward she beckoned the new student to join them. 'I'd like to introduce Nagisa Kaworu." Upon introduction the student entered the classroom , gently closing the door behind himself.

Breath catching, Shinji looked at Kaworu….the guy from his dream. Three years of the same dream there was no mistaking that this was the same guy…only older. He had oddly colored red eyes, platinum blond hair, bordering on white, and equally pale skin.

Realizing he wasn't breathing Shinji gasped silently trying to breath again. This couldn't be real, how could he dream of someone who was real that he had never met? It was too weird.

After a formal bow Kaworu took a seat directly in front of Shinji. Left to stare at the back of his head, Shinji mulled over how this was happening. But no answers came to him, perhaps he should ask Kaworu if they had met before.

Before he knew it the bell was ringing again, he couldn't even remember what happened in class, all he had done was stare at the person in front of him.

"You comin' Shin?" Toji called over to him when he made no move to get up.

"Hmm, uh yeah." He replied in a somewhat daze. "Yeah I'm coming."

What Shinji didn't know was that as he left a pair of red eyes followed him out the door, equally wondering why the other seemed so familiar.

The rest of the classes seemed slower then usual, all he did was think of Kaworu and his friends seemed to realize he was rather absorbed in something so decided to leave him be.

Gym class arrived, his last class of the day. As he, Kensuke, and Toji dressed for gym Kaworu joined the class and his locker was two down from Shinji's. Trying not to blush or stare Shinji kept his eyes down and focused on what he was doing. When he finally looked up he locked eyes, his brown staring into the red. A slow smile spread across the pale face. It looked as though he wanted to say something but the smile held then he looked away.

Weird.

All during class he kept glancing at Kaworu wondering if they would meet eyes again, it never happened.

Back in the locker room Shinji grabbed his shower stuffs and went to the showers. Inside he heard Kensuke and Toji arguing again over something stupid. Joining them in the communal shower they looked over and acted like they were going to ask Shinji's opinion then changed their mind. Walking over Toji put an arm around Shinji, 'So that Kaworu sure is sometin' huh?"

"What do you mean?"

" I mean t' guy is smart an' athletic. But he's kin'a creepy like t' Ayanami chick."

'How so?"

'Well ," Kensuke chimed in, "He hasn't said a thing to anyone all day and he almost spoke to you."

"You were watching?"

"Yea, and t' tell you t' truth dat smile was freakin' creepy man, gave me t' chills n everything."

"Yeah it kinda was…"

Shinji hadn't noticed but during those few second of his and Kaworu's exchange half the locker room had gone quiet as they anticipated what might happen. " I didn't even notice anyone was paying attention." Shinji began to blush, "Oh and Toji, " he lifted the other boys arm and moved away, " A little too close for me."

Toji gave a laugh and moved back holding his hands up in surrender, " Ah ha sorry dude. I forgot you ain't comfort' ble with other people's touchin' ya. S'all good."

Toji and Kensuke finished fairly quickly and left, letting Shinji know they'd wait for him so they could all walk home together.

While shampooing his hair some soap got in his eyes, causing them to water and he had to clamp them closed til the pain subsided, "Dammit.." Rubbing water in his eyes he finally opened them, blinking against the burn. Feeling like he was being watched Shinji turned his head and saw Kaworu on the opposite side, though he wasn't watching, Shinji became very self conscious. He didn't want Kaworu to see him in the nude. Hurrying to finish he realized he'd have to walk right past Kaworu to leave the shower room. "Dammit…again." he whispered to himself. Letting out a light sigh he grabbed his stuff and made his way to the exit.

Walking past the other boy he couldn't help but glancing at him. When his head turned eye contact was briefly made. The same smile played out and Shinji blushed deeply then grew flustered. " What's your problem creep?" he snapped at the pale boy. The smile disappeared and a look of hurt came over his lovely face. " Errrrg …never mind!"

Sitting alone at home again Shinji had his head on table, his arms crossed over the back of his head. 'Why?" Why had he said that to him. The other boy was new and hadn't done anything to deserve being yelled at. "What the hell is my problem? I feel like Asuka now. Guess that settles it, she must like me…" Wait? I like a guy? A guy I don't even know. " I don't feel like eating." With no appetite he sat down on the couch, turning on the TV but not watching it.

At some point the boy drifted off. It was the same dream but it started different.

Giant beings….all different, seventeen of them…the world covered in red…..his mother was alive but not as he remembered….her soul was embodied as a giant being, the same as the evil ones but different too…he wanted to disappear, not fight anymore, why me? His father, unloving his whole life, all he wanted was to be loved and accepted, someone to give him reason for being alive. The white haired boy was there…..someone who loved him….held by giant hands….then no more.

The lights streamed through the train windows and the noise of train tracks clacking filled him. A younger version of himself sat across from him, tears stained the younger's cheeks.

Red…

What is the red?

Blood.

Why is there blood?

Because I did it…

What did you do Ikari?

Nothing…

What did you do, Ikari?

I….I killed him.

You would kill the one you love?

….Yes….

Then you are no better than them.

Shinji had killed him….why would he kill someone he loved and held so dear?

Waking from the nightmare Shinji felt the tickle of something on his cheek, reaching up he realized he had been crying in his sleep. I should apologize.

That next morning he was feeling down but knew what he had to do. On the way to school he ran into Ayanami literally. "Oopfs, sorry." He reached to grab the books he had caused her to drop. Once he had picked them up he stood to hand them to her. As he did so their fingertips brushed and he looked into her face to see her cheeks turning pink. 'Hey Ayanami," he said quietly.

"Hello Shinij."

What a day! Ayanami knew he existed! Now to apologize to Kaworu and he would feel much better. Before home room started he didn't get the chance to speak with him so it would have to wait til gym class… six hours later.

The day drug by at a snail's pace but gym class finally arrived. He grew too nervous before class and decided to wait til after they had showered. Today though Kaworu showered and was getting dressed before Shinji caught him.

Making sure no one was around he approached the boy. "Uhm…K-Kaworu….about yesterday.."

Kaworu raised a hand to cut him off. "It's ok, I understand, no reason to apologize."

'Are, are you sure? Cuz I know I shouldn't have.."

"Yes it's OK. I shouldn't have been so…weird."

"Ah well, I mean, I am sorry though." He gave a small bow of apology.

"Now stop that." Kaworu waved his hands wanting him to stop bowing.

Straightening Shinji gave Kaworu a small smile, both blushed. 'Do I know you?" they said in unison.

Flustered Shinji turned his face away embarrassed he was blushing even darker.

Home alone again….

Same thing every day.

His mind kept wandering back to the awkward conversation with Kaworu. So Kaworu thought they had met before as well? How coincidental could that be? Was it fate that they were going to meet?

He blushed thinking about how nice Kaworu had been to him. Evidently Shinji's outburst hadn't been too hurtful.

*Ting Tong! Ting Tong!*

'Who the hell could that be?" The whole time he had lived here no one, absolutely no one had rang that door. If it were Kensuke or Toji they just waltzed right in. Plus it was eleven o'clock at night ..though it was Friday night so no worries about school tomorrow. Getting up Shinji walked to the door and looked through the peephole.

*Ting tong* The bell sounded again.

For real?!

Hurriedly Shinji unlocked the door and swung it open. "Kaworu!?" He cried in surprise.

"Hello Shinji." The boy gave a small bow.

"Uh…what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk, is that …OK?"

"Sure, sure, Oh how rude of me, come in." He moved aside allowing the other in. "Have a seat any where."

Kaworu entered the apartment and sat down in a chair in the small living room.

Shinji followed and took a seat on the couch. "Oh wait, do you want something to drink?"

Kaworu waved his hand dismissively, " No thanks. Im fine."

'Ok."

After a few moments of awkward silence Kaworu leaned forward with his elbows in his knees. "Well, I guess I should tell you the reason for my visit. And I apologize for coming over so late, it's rude of me but I didn't know what an appropriate time would be and I felt I needed to do this now." Giving a small sigh he straightened back up, leaning his head to the side as he gazed over at Shinji.

Shinji felt the beginning of a blush creeping over him.

"Shinji…I …..…."

"Sorry what?" Shinji stared into red eyes. The world seemed to stand still.

"I said …"

"Uh….."

Kaworu got up from his chair and came to Shinji, crouching in front of him he took hold of Shinji's hands. They felt warm and a feeling of electricity went up his spine. Kaworu used a hand to gently guide Shinji's chin, "Look at me Shinji." His brown eyes reluctantly slid over to meet red ones. " I love you."

Warm wetness pooled into his eyes and when they could hold no more the warm tears slid down his cheeks. "No you don't." He stood abruptly causing Kaworu to fall back on to his bottom. "You can't love me, no one does. The only people to ever love me are dead." He looked down at the other with a pained look on his face, the tears kept coming. Sniffling he wiped them away with the back of his hand.

Standing Kaworu stood and quickly approached Shinji, wrapping him in a tight hug he nuzzled his face in Shinji's hair. Whispering quietly he repeated himself. "I love you Shinji. I was born to love you."

Sniffle. "How can you love me if we've never even met?"

'But we have….You remember…don't you? Asuka, Rei….we were all there. I know you dream of it as we do."

"You dream of me?"

"Every night for three years."

"So I'm not the only one? I'm not crazy?"

A small chuckle came from Kaworu, "Of course not, it was our way of remembering."

Hard sobs racked Shinji and his legs could no longer support him. His head hung down and his hands gripped at Kaworu's shirt. "I ….I …I killed you! I killed you! You were the enemy and you loved me!" Breathing became hard for him as the realization of the dream…no memory surfaced.

"Yes, you did, but not in this life. In this life we've never met, this is all real. But I'm also not an Angel anymore. Being born of two humans."

"So that , that means…"

"Yes Shinji, I won't have to leave you this time."

Placing both hands on the sides of Shinji's face Kaworu looked deeply into his eyes. Instead of trying to kiss him he simply smiled and gave him a hug, wrapping both arms tightly around him, one hand stroking his hair.

"I love you too Kaworu." Came Shinji's muffled reply. Small sobs still escaped him, the guilt of having once killed his friend, he couldn't believe he was alive.

"Perhaps we should rest and I'll explain everything tomorrow."

"No, no, " Shinji broke their hug and wiped his face again, "Please tell me now."

Sigh, 'Alright." Leaning back with both arms holding him up Kaworu's eyes grew distant. "Do you remember the impact? Almost all the world dying as we…well you three were born?"

"Yes."

"It did happen. You piloted and EVA with your mother's soul and killed me with that EVA, Unit Zero-One. Seels didn't succeed but your father did and all people returned to LCL. You and Asuka were left alone to restart Earth because Lilith chose you as Adam and Eve. " Kaworu shifted his sitting once again. "Now imagine God and Lilith and Adam all decided to change their mind?"

"That's what they did?"

"In a sense. Rewind three years before you met any of us and place us in an alternate universe, one of the many 'What If's' and let us all grow up normal, the Second Impact never happening."

"I guess that makes sense, but you were an Angel so how are you here?"

"I have no idea, perhaps they saw fit for me to walk this Earth since I had feelings none other Angel could know. I wasn't human but as the Angel I was , I was the closest thing, though superior. Now I'm no different from you."

"Could any of that still happen?"

Kaworu looked thoughtful, "Maybe, but it would be different, instead of having to kill me I would be able to fight by your side. I have spent years waiting to meet you again, hoping I would. I didn't expect to see Rei or Asuka again though, that's a treat."

"Do they remember me?"

'Of course they did, I spoke with them on my first day, they were waiting for you to remember. Asuka hates me though, she knows I want to take you from her."

Shinji felt his face turn scarlet. He fully remembered now Kaworu's first confession of love…that never happened. "This all feels so strange."

"Hehe, tell me about it. I never forgot anything so I've spent seventeen years waiting to see what would happen."

Nagisa smiled at Ikari, a slight blush on his face as well. "I'm glad we're together again."


End file.
